A Cruiser’s Guide to Mediterranean Cruises

Picture it: you step aboard a ship, leaving the grey skies of the UK behind, and suddenly, the world feels wider, sunnier, and far more interesting. No airports, no baggage fees, no frantic sprints to catch a flight—just the gentle hum of the engine as you glide towards the sun-drenched Mediterranean. It’s a journey into history, culture, and landscapes so beautiful they belong in a painting, with the bonus of travelling in a kind of floating hotel. You wake up each morning to a new destination, coffee in hand, and the promise of fresh adventures just beyond the horizon. Honestly, what could be easier—or more tempting—than that?

Last Minute Mediterranean Cruises

Now, the Med is a tale of two sides.

On one hand, there’s the Western Mediterranean, which feels like flicking through a cultural photo album. Barcelona’s whimsical Gaudí creations, the French Riviera’s unapologetic glamour, and Rome—ah, Rome—a city that somehow manages to juggle centuries of history, the world’s best gelato, and traffic that’s borderline operatic. I’d probably end up making a fool of myself trying to recreate some “Roman Holiday” scooter moment. Let’s be honest; I’d be in the emergency room before lunch.

Then there’s the Eastern Mediterranean, which whispers of sun-bleached ruins and turquoise seas. I can see it now: wandering Athens’ Parthenon while secretly hoping someone will invite me to smash a plate, Dubrovnik with its medieval walls (and its slightly smug “Game of Thrones” fame), and the dreamy, whitewashed buildings of Santorini. I’d likely spend the entire trip trying to capture the perfect sunset photo, only to realise my phone was in portrait mode.

Onboard Life? Not Too Shabby.

Now, the ships these days are hardly the dingy ferries of my youth. No sticky floors or lukewarm sausage rolls here. Modern cruise ships are more like floating villages. There’s food—proper food, not just cold chips—entertainment that doesn’t involve dodgy karaoke and spa treatments that might finally undo the tension in my shoulders (though that could be the wine talking).

You could spend the whole trip just lounging by the pool or eating your way through the buffet and still call it a holiday. And then there’s the people-watching—let’s not underestimate the joy of seeing a fellow Brit try to “reserve” a sun lounger with a towel. The drama alone is worth the ticket price.

Ports of Call: Little Windows to Another World

Unforgettable Ports of Call

The Western Mediterranean is a bit of a treasure chest, really, full of ports that feel like they’ve been plucked straight from a postcard. Take Barcelona, for instance—where Gaudí’s masterpieces twist and twirl like something out of a fever dream, and the beaches hum with a kind of lively energy that only the Spanish seem to master. You could spend an entire day there nibbling tapas and convincing yourself that, yes, you really do need another plate of patatas bravas.

Then there’s Gibraltar. It’s got this peculiar charm. A little slice of Britain perched on the edge of Spain, complete with red post boxes and, of course, the Rock. Climbing up there might leave your calves cursing you, but the views? Absolutely worth it. And don’t get me started on the monkeys—they’ve got more personality than some people I know.

Other stops, like La Rochelle, Tangier, or even Rome via Civitavecchia, bring their own flavour to the mix. La Rochelle is the kind of place where you can lose yourself wandering the harbour, pretending for a moment that you’ve mastered the art of being effortlessly French.

Tangier is a feast for the senses—markets alive with bursts of colour, the air thick with the heady aroma of spices, and a rhythm that teeters perfectly between chaos and charm. It’s the kind of place where you half expect to stumble into an adventure, even if it’s just over a cup of mint tea.

And then there’s Rome. Ah, Rome. Whether you’re marvelling at the Colosseum or simply sitting in a sun-dappled piazza with a dangerously good gelato in hand, the whole city feels like a living, breathing museum—one where the past and present dance together beautifully.

These are just a few highlights, of course. The Med is packed with so many ports you’d need a lifetime (and a healthy holiday budget) to see them all. But even just a taste of these places is enough to leave you daydreaming long after the ship sails back to the UK.

But here’s the thing. A cruise like this isn’t just about where you go; it’s about the bits in between—the moments spent leaning on the rail, watching the waves stretch out endlessly, thinking about everything and nothing all at once. It’s the kind of space where you can actually hear yourself think, maybe even dream a little.

Top Tips for Wannabe Cruisers

I’ve read that spring and autumn are the sweet spots for a Med cruise—warm but not searing, with fewer crowds to elbow past at the Colosseum or Acropolis. And, of course, packing sensible shoes is a must. Believe me, I’ve tried to do cobblestones in cheap trainers. My feet are still holding a grudge.

Will I be booking a cabin anytime soon? Probably not—life and bank accounts have their ways of saying, “Not yet.” But I can dream. And who knows? Maybe one day, I’ll be the one leaning on that rail, trying to decide whether to order another gelato or take the whole tub.

For now, though, I’ll leave the kettle on and imagine the sea breeze.

List of Mediterranean Cruises